alexithymia
by wizardsinthetardis
Summary: alexithymia- inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner. 11/Amy, as usual.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys, here's a new fic :) Written with random prompts. Thank you DoctorMerliena-FezzesAreCool for being my lovely beta. Thanks sweetie! Enjoy the fic :3**

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><p>[sedatephobia]<br>They sit in the console room. They're leaning against each other, a single blanket shared between the two, because it's no good to sip hot cocoa alone, and because it's cold, and because they're always running from something, and today they just want to stay- and probably the best reason they could give was it was hard to watch someone die, even if you're the Doctor and seen it countless times, even if you've only just met the person, even if it's not your fault (but feels like it is).  
>They can't seem to weave words together this time, though- they're both afraid of silence and loneliness, and at the same time they're enjoying the company they've given to each other.<br>So they just continue to sip their cocoa, and he's thinking of what he's lost, and she's thinking of what she's gained.

[specks]  
>She searches his eyes for anything- anything that she could pick up as an <em>I love you<em> or an _I care_, but instead she gets an intense wave of emotion, and she can't take it so she doesn't look for signs and instead memorizes each fleck of color in his eyes, and she can't look away until he gets up and tells her to go to bed, because it's been a long day, and because he's tired of looking into her soul, and he thinks he's fallen in love with her eyes.  
>He feels as if he had gotten lost in a maze named Amy Pond, and couldn't find his way out.<br>She stands up and streches, and hugs him goodnight.  
>He realizes there's absolutely no way out.<p>

[exceptions]  
>"It's not fair, you know. It's not fair what happened to them."<br>"Is anything fair anymore?"  
>"You're fair. You would've saved them if you could."<br>"I couldn't."  
>"I know."<br>And then she hugged him tight.

[cinema]  
>She brings him to her favorite movie theater, it's just near Leadworth, but not too close or else she wouldn't want to bring him there at all.<br>He buys her popcorn, and since it's 1997, they watch the film Titanic.  
>She cries as the ship sinks, places her head on his shoulder and asks for a fresh Kleenex.<p>

[tweed jacket]  
>They arrive on the planet Elenègis. "It's cold," she complains.<br>"It's cold every day of the year." He skips ahead, ready for adventure and fun and mystery, and he stops abruptly because he doesn't hear footsteps behind him. He looks back.  
>"Well, I don't like it," she huffs, her breath forming clouds of fog in the air.<br>"Now, now, Pond, don't get all grumpy about it!"  
>And so he takes off his tweed jacket, and puts it around her arms.<br>It smells like him.  
>He looks at her for a long moment, and she swears he's going to kiss her.<br>But he doesn't.

[we're all stories in the end]  
>She finds the library, and is utterly disappointed at the lack of interesting books in it- the biographies and autobiographies, seemingly untouched for centuries, are too dull to her. She's lived a more exciting life than the people in those stories, and she's surprised they'd even want to write about their lives or write about someone else's life if they were boring. Her life was exciting. She lived in a time machine with a crazy, nine-hundred-and-seven year old alien, and yet nobody wanted to write a story about <em>her<em>.  
>But she kept on looking, running her hands along the spines of the books, some old and some new, and she kept going until she found something different, something exciting. She pulled out the book, and as she did, she gasped at its weight.<br>And then she looked inside, and she tried to memorize every page in the beautiful collection of memories.  
>She came back every day for a week.<p>

[reminisce]  
>"Where did you find that?"<br>"The library," she says simply.  
>And he explains every single entry to her, and she's smiling as he recounts everything that's ever happened to him, laughing and crying as she realizes just how much he's been through.<p>

[ablepsia]  
>She looks out at the vast ocean before her- she wanted to jump in with him, and she wanted to count the number of fish, and he would tell her their names and origins and history, and she would tell him to shut up and enjoy the moment. And he would laugh. That stupid, adorable laugh. And she would melt and he would be oblivious to everything, just like he always was and always would be.<p>

[wishes]  
>They lay a picnic blanket on the sandy coast, and he thinks. He's always thinking, always hoping- and as they lay next to each other and their fingers entwine, he wonders if she's seen it too, if she feels it too- he's feeling it now and so he hopes she can read minds, he hopes she can read hearts.<br>He swears he saw a shooting star.

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><p><strong>So, yeah :P<br>Hoped you liked it, please review! I might add some more chapters, depending on the interest for this fic.  
>xx Bianca<br>**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey all, here's a new chappie!  
>Sorry for the long wait, I had this for awhile but wasn't able to post :( This is dedicated to my friends Celine, Maddie (aka Without A Box, who is wonderful) and DoctorMerliena-FezzesAreCool (Merliena, sorry I couldn't ask you to BETA as I wanted to get this up ASAP :D you're still brill :D)<strong>. **And to my lovely reviewers! I didn't reply, but it meant a lot. You lovely lot know who you are.  
>So, enjoy!<strong>

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><p>[hugs]<br>She's following him now, and she doesn't know where he's going, but follows anyway, and when he stops and turns around she turns as well, but he gently grabs her shoulders and turns her towards him. "Amy Pond," he whispers.  
>He encases her in his arms, in a tight embrace that's simple yet heart-wrenching, and she smiles into his shoulder.<br>They aren't anywhere special. She doesn't understand, really- but she decides to let the moment pass, she decides to enjoy it.

[passwords]  
>"Why can't I go in?"<br>"Because I don't want you to!"  
>"It's just a room, Doctor!"<br>She walks over to the door and reaches for the handle, only to be greeted with a scanner and a steely female voice asking for a password.  
>"What-"<br>He victoriously grins.  
>"So?"<br>"What's the password?"  
>"As if I would tell you, Pond, don't you know me by now?"<br>"Yes, it's probably activated by your voice and ONLY your voice."  
>"Ah, yes. Top notch technology, you see..."<br>"Yeah, yeah. Doctor?"  
>"Hmm?"<br>"What's your favorite food?"  
>"As if you'd have to ask. Fish fingers and custard, of course."<br>The door swings open.  
>"Thanks." she smiles at him sympathetically. "You see, I <em>always<em> win."

[stars]  
>"Did you ever have a pet, Doctor?" She rolls over to face him.<br>"See, Pond, on Gallifrey, our equivalent to pets were stars. Every kid wanted a star of their own- each family had their own piece of the sky, and that was were we put our stars." He smiles fondly. "I named my star Alice, after my childhood crush. Needless to say, she was floored."  
>She laughed. His face brightened up as he had an idea- he raced over to the console, typed in coordinates, and grinned at Amy.<br>He lands them, grabs her hand and throws her outside.  
>"<em>Doctor!<em> Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm in space! Again!"  
>He laughs and jumps out right beside her.<br>He, again, entwines his hand with hers and contentedly sighs.  
>"That one," he says, pointing to the brightest star he can see, "that one is named Amy Pond."<br>"It's beautiful," she sighs.  
>"So are you," he whispers.<p>

[letters]  
>They've grown accustomed to leaving each other notes before bed, because she's always in the library (though he promises she won't find anything like last time) and he's always plinking and plonking on the TARDIS controls.<p>

Don't stay up too late reading, exciting day tomorrow. -Doctor  
>Found a good book. Taking it to my room. -Amy<p>

I'm in the kitchen if you need anything. Goodnight, Pond. -Doctor  
>Night. I would give you a hug, but I'm too tired to go on a kitchen hunt. xo Amy<p>

I'm still waiting on that hug. I'm in the kitchen again. Doctor x

That was a nice hug last night. See you in the morning. Doctor x  
>I'm a good hugger, you should know that by now. xo Amy<p>

[dance]  
>She takes his hand.<br>"Let's have some fun at this party, shall we?"  
>She leads him on to the dance floor. Soft melodies begin to drift out of the orchestra's instruments as they dance around the other couples.<br>"Doctor?"  
>"Yeah?"<br>She closes the remaining space between them.  
>"Nothing."<br>He kisses her on the forehead.

[closure]  
>"So you never told me," says Amy, "how you actually put that journal together. You know, the one I found in the library-"<br>"Yeah, I know the one," the Doctor says, a hint of sarcasm playing at his tone of voice.  
>"Well, you know how technically Time Lords don't need to sleep?"<br>"Yeah?"  
>"I go back and take pictures of things while you're in bed."<br>"For example.." And he crashes his lips fiercely to hers, feeling her mold perfectly to his body, and then he abruptly pulls away and drags her off to the library.  
>He pulls out the book and turns to the last entry- to find a picture of their recent snog. Amy smiles.<br>"That's so cute."  
>He laughs and gives her a one-armed hug.<p>

[gotcha]  
>She doesn't know if she's been imagining things- but she's always conscious of the occasional flash of tweed or fringe or a resounding click on their travels.<br>"Doctor, did you see? Was that you or-"  
>"I don't know, Pond," he says impatiently. "Later tonight hasn't come yet."<br>Every adventure they've ever had, etched into one book full of happiness, pain, and memories- and she can't fathom the fact it's one day going to end.

[affinity]  
>They're on Elenègis again- because the Doctor says they missed the grand festival last time, and he said he was sure she'd enjoy it.<br>It's a festival of sparklers- she's surprised that they'd have sparklers on a planet, at which the Doctor huffs and says they have sparklers everywhere, and she argues they didn't have sparklers in Leadworth, and he says well of course they wouldn't, it's in the middle of nowhere, and she says he's impossible.  
>He buys them ten sparklers to share, and he tells her it's almost time to light them. They rush to the square and light their sparklers with the rest of the aliens clad in winter gear surrounding them.<br>"Hey," he says, now inches from her face. "Let go."  
>They let go of their sparklers, and once they're in the air, he kisses her- it's soft and sweet and tastes like strawberries and custard, and she responds almost immediately.<br>The sparklers reach the seemingly endless sky, but when they reach a certain point they pop and shower down below like fireworks. She breaks away from the kiss and looks up at the fireworks, captivated by their beauty. She looks up at the Doctor's face. He's smiling that smile that makes her melt, and she leans into his arms.  
>"Thank you," she whispers.<p>

I love you. Doctor x  
>I love you too, stupid face. xo Amy<p>

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><p><strong>Was that okay? :P Should I continue, or leave this as a two-shot? And if I shouldn't, please PM or leave some prompts in a review in case I decide to continue this! :D<br>I have another multi-chap brewing somewhere in my mind, but some components are still a bit undecided and I want to sort of work out a storyline before actually writing it.**  
><strong>Yeah, so I sincerely hope you enjoyed that! Tell me what you thought in a review, teehee! (I promise to reply this time.)<br>xx Bianca**


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